Sitting in circle surrounded by women of all ages, I am handed the talking stick. “I am currently at my edge”, my voice trembled as the words came out, “having come back from the Amazon 3 years ago I have taken on some of the most challenging work of my life”. We were an intergenerational group of women gathered to experience the latest version of the Pachamama Symposium, a hard hitting set of realities, inspired by the wish of the Achua Peoples of Equador, to change the dream of the North.

We were shown images of destruction, what we are doing to our planet, our animal and plant relatives and ultimately to ourselves. After harrowing sequences we were given some relief as we broke into wisdom teachings from Thich Nhat Hahn, Charles Eisenstein and many others about the interconnectedness of all things. It was Charles Eisenstein who said when we are ready to step forward to do our piece, life will offer us the opportunity that will take us to our edge, but not beyond. That message resonated so hard in me, yes that’s it, I thought, I have met my edges.

Since returning from the Amazon I have got married, started a PhD in women’s leadership and embarked on a long and painful fertility journey age 41. After trying acupuncture, diet, and all the natural remedies I could find, at the end of last year I reluctantly accepted I needed help and asked for a referral to a fertility clinic. It was a huge piece of acceptance for me, and one I could not handle alone. Luckily I found the support of the wisest woman I know, a local shaman and plant spirit healer.

Sitting on the sofa at the end of our first session she said “I don’t want to alarm you, but its like a bomb has gone off in your energetic field”. This was no surprise, I was on my knees, desperate for help. Fix me, was my cry. And she did. Slowly and surely over the following weeks and month we worked together, alongside the blood tests and visits to clinics in London, she listened and she soothed, weaving her magic on me. I was not passive in this process, I was learning and working hard myself. Clearing and calling and resting. I called on all my resources, everyone and everything that had come to my rescue over the  years. The teachers, the leaders, beings from other realms. And they showed up for me.

The journey isn’t over, maybe it never is. But I know I have made some progress on all levels. So thank you to Moira, my teachers,  my leaders, my helpers and everyone who has shown me the way. Thank you to Maestra Olivia in the image above, a founding shaman of the Temple of the Way of light who also came to me when I needed her. For Olivia and all the wise women, may you find peace.

Artwork credit: Olivia Arévalo



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